This blog started out about me being jumbled? mad? confused? disturbed? by Mosaix 2013. And me sorting out those feelings. See the first post.
This blog is turning into me processing my thoughts about the church, multi-ethnicity, Asian American Christians, American Christians, Christians generally, God, etc. There is too much left unsaid about these topics that can be quite taboo.
There’s also too my on the line when you speak on the record, or even off the record. There’s little place to process.
I’m an Asian American minister whose ministry has always been to everyone, and I have a ton of thoughts.
I have on-record blogs—but it’s too hard to say stuff. I self censor. I over think. And with good reason! My name is on the line.
Let’s face it—Christians are not exactly known to be the most grace-filled, forgiving folk. We don’t default to putting ourselves the shoes of others. This is my experience and what my non-Christian friends tell me is true of Christians of all colors.
Anonymity is not a matter of me not trusting Jesus, not wanting to own my statements—it is a matter of accessing reality and where people are at. Jesus met us where we are at. And if we get real, we’re really not ready for many things. And Jesus says that is okay.
The truth is I’m not ready either. I know this because I have stuck my neck out there. In small and big ways many, many times. Sometimes, it’s well, glorious. You’re used by God! WOW! But more often, it sucks. It has ramifications. It is to some degree, career suicide. (Not that ministry is a “career”—its a vocation. But if I ever wanted to keep my living wage for what I do—I’m not talking six figures here, or even in the high fives: a living wage—anonymity is the way to go.) Not only have I experienced this myself, but I’ve heard and watched many whistle-blowers lose their livelihood, their friends, their reputation for dumb misunderstandings and their health. It would be foolish to not learn from these experiences and tread carefully. It would also to be foolish to avoid these topics that got you into “trouble” (which is the main temptation and often conventional wisdom), as it would be foolish not to stick your neck out again, when times demand it. I’m learning that God does indeed have my back, and like all those Bible verses, it’s not a bad thing to be persecuted for the sake of Christ.
This, is my current purpose—to work out my thoughts, so I can be ready, if called upon to stick my neck out. (You can keep me accountable to that, if you want.)
A side hope is that in trying articulate things, well, maybe it’ll help the Church at Large get there another inch. It’s easier to point at a post that someone else written, to make your case sideways—than to take the heat yourself.
One more important note: Jesus does see what I am writing and expressing. It does not mean I am not held accountable if I hurt people unfairly or do anything else unethically. By writing anonymously, as a Christian, as a real human being and lover of God behind this blog—I cannot irresponsibly post and wreck reputations and not think about ramifications. I cannot do what “anonymous” people on the Internet are stereotyped to do. I will trust Jesus and be as honest as possible without doing harm to others.
Anonymity though offers a way for me to be free to say whatever, the things that have been on my heart for a long, long time. It’ll allow me to work out my thoughts. And boy does it have me running to my computer…
Revised Dec 2, 2013